I got hassled into waiting tables this year for Valentine, but it wasn’t bad. At least no one yelled at me. It was the normal, midwestern, young crowd. 7% tips. Luckily there was good volume to make up for it.

A few things I do not understand about VD:

– Why go to a restaurant that serves alcohol if all you are going to drink is Diet Coke?

– Hey buddy, don’t blow all your money on a gift for your HOT, HOT girlfriend, buy a big dinner, sit for two-hours then tip me 5% (This punk did this to me, and if I ever see him again . . .

– And most importantly, aren’t you out to enjoy each other’s company? Not the waiter? Besides, I’m not that fun anyway.

Thank god I only have to see these people once a year.

 

 

Ok, I don’t listen to much popular music, so I don’t watch the Grammy’s. Well last night every freaking TV station had something crappy on, I guess they didn’t want to compete with it. So after a 4 year hianeous, I watched it.

Weird.

Mary J. Blige thanked Jesus for her award (I wasn’t sure if that was her manager or boyfriend).

Today everyone said it was way to ‘Political’ and ‘Liberal’ because the Dixie Chicks won some awards. Huh?

But I had to grab the toilet bowl after I watched Carrie Underwood BUTCHER a Bob Wills classic. And just when I thought the heaves would end she does a cover of the Eagles ‘Desporado’ with Rascal Flats.

I went to bed after that.

This year I am NOT waiting tables on V.D. It is pure Hell. I have agreed to host and bus tables though. If you have ever waited tables on V.D. you know the horror. You get people who 1) NEVER eat out accept on V.D. 2) or never been to a family-owned, fine dining restaurant, so they expect 20 different people to come by their table while they are eating. Dumb.

Last year’s experiences:

– One lady said I would have been better suited to work at Chucky Cheese.

– Another girl (who was with her boyfriend) left me a note on the receipt that said I could have been more attentive. They ordered a meal and water. No wine, no desserts (even though I asked repeatly). I guess she wanted me to come over and ask her how her ‘water’ was every 5 minutes.

– Another lady was upset that I didn’t ‘ask questions’. Whatever that means. Apparently people think a waiter is a psychitrist.

I think the franchise restaurants have spoiled people, they focus on attentivness and less on product. This shit bugs me. I want a beer and my food, and I want to enjoy the company I’m with when eating out. Stop asking me questions, I have been to a restaurant before, if I want something, I’ll ask. That’s why I like Sushi Masa, the food is ALWAYS great, but the server’s aren’t always ‘Attentive’ that’s fine with me – keep it up.

V.D. Advice to my single friends:

Always breakup with a girl before Christmas and get back together after V.D., you will save a TON of money.

 

Alt-rock act Modest Mouse will return to Sioux Falls for a March 18 concert at the Ramkota Exhibit Hall.

Aside from the expectations of new music, fans of the ’80s Brit rock band The Smiths may find some extra intrigue in this show. Former Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr officially joined Modest Mouse last fall as a full-time member.

He’s expected to be on this tour performing with the band.

The Smiths are one of my favorite bands, this will be well worth seeing. I’m not a huge fan of Modest Mouse, but went to their last show because Camper Van Beethoven was opening. I will be in the front row yelling out Smith’s songs until they throw me out.

Prince is SORTA in trouble for his silhouette performance during the SuperBowl.

For decades, the electric guitar, by nature, has been considered phallic. From Jimi Hendrix’s sensual 6-string swagger to Eddie Van Halen’s masturbatory soloing, the guitar has often been thought an extension of a male player’s sexuality.

Was Prince’s pose phallic?

“The short answer is, of course it is,” says Rolling Stone magazine contributing editor Gavin Edwards, who points out that on Prince’s “Purple Rain” tour in the mid ’80s, he performed with a guitar that would ejaculate, squirting water out of its end during the climax of “Let’s Go Crazy.”

“All that said, it didn’t seem like a sniggering little puppet show,” adds Edwards. “I think it was one of those things because a guitar at waist level does look like an enormous phallus.”

 

Ever been to a GWAR show? Water squirting out, you wish.

 

There will be a news story about me on KDLT. Not sure if it is at the 5 PM news or 10 PM.

It’s about my art and shit.